The thing that sucks about mental illness is that if you aren’t depressed enough, suicidal enough, bad enough, nobody cares. Nobody cares until you reach their standard, and that standard is when your problem is bad enough to effect them
The amount of people who can relate to this makes me equally incredibly sad and immensely angry
my fall look today is winged eyeliner, plum lipstick, and a look on my face like i’m fucking your boyfriend and can’t wait for you to find out.
My fall look is simple liner with bold lashes, burgundy lipstick, a gleam in my eyes that let’s men know that I’ll suck their dick, their money out of their bank accounts, and the souls right out of their bodies.
Some men don’t understand that we women sometimes prefer to be alone, and it doesn’t mean i’m lonely. By ‘alone’ I mean don’t talk to me when I don’t feel like it…don’t try to attempt to seduce me with whatever antics you have just because I’m alone and it makes me an ‘easy target’…don’t touch me when I’m clearly uncomfortable by your presence. I don’t need dependence to show I’m alright and can have a ‘great time’. If I do want company I will act like I want it, so please stop when I obviously do not. I don’t want someone ruining my experience of what I may look forward to…slowly becomes what I fear and prevent myself from going to. Instead I ask for me, as person, doing tasks like going to a gallery alone…travelling alone…concerts alone…eating alone etc, to be respected for gaining the confidence to be independent, and to respect my enjoyment of being alone.
Please do not use the idea of me being alone as an opportunity for yourself. Please do not associate that I seem ‘lonely’.
I think that appreciating the act of doing things alone in travelling, eating out, watching movies etc has really helped me form a clear perspective of what I want to achieve…I don’t know…learning to love myself and gain confidence. I feel so much better, I guess.
Recently I have been trying to cook vegan meals and possibly trying to transition into veganism. But I guess the challenge is giving up cheese (I’m not fond of vegan cheese other than blending cashews + nutritional yeast to substitute parmesan). I’m able to go through days without eggs though
I feel like… I’m most happiest escaping “home” for awhile, go somewhere and travel there alone…
I don’t know, maybe meet new people and pour my life “story” without having fears of judgments because I know I most likely will not see them again but it’s always nice to talk to someone.
Or sit in a cafe in a city that I barely know, skim through a menu not knowing what to order and eventually order something, and feeling the excitement of the food that’s about to be given. Maybe write in my journal while I witness and experience the locals and tourists shuffling through the city with their own life and going-ons.
Go to a museum or gallery, and ponder about life. Sit on a beach or park, close my eyes, listening to the sounds surrounding me.
I’m wasting my time here at “home”. I barely have any friends here that I would enjoy hanging out with and telling my current thoughts to… I don’t have access to transportation to escape for awhile. Everything to do with journeys and adventures involves asking my parents for consent… I miss England.
It’s hilarious that prior to my mini 1 week solo trip, I would get negative responses from friends and people in general (except for 1 friend who didn’t mind but wouldn’t do it).
"why solo? who would you eat dinner with???"
"be careful and stay safe, and at least someone knows etc."
"wow so brave."
I’m never alone; I stay at hostels; meet people’ hang out with them temporary to the same places we had in mind; eat with them.
Therefore, solo or whatever one will always meet new people and it’s so so so easy to get along with them (unlike my my efforts in trying to befriend some people in uni), unless of course you are not an ‘open person’ or keep things to yourself, then yeah you’ll pretty much be lonely I guess.
I get to do whatever I want. I don’t have to rely on other friend’s and their preferences, whether it be financial, cravings, places to visit or stay etc. Also the only person I’d have to worry about is myself.
As lame as this sounds, I gain some skills - confidence, navigation, independence, social skills etc.
One of my main issue and anxieties of travelling solo is navigating my way back and safety. But the main logic of these concerns is to, well, think and act like one would do back home, would you go to these suspicious looking alleys? (although I have been wandering such places lol) etc. Pretty much, don’t like stupid.
travelling solo is the best thing, and I get sad when people who really want to travel cancel their travel plans just because their friends drop out, and they are too scared to travel solo. I even know someone who had planned to travel all the way around the UK this summer, but sort of cancelled it as a friend of hers drop out due to ‘it’s expensive’… sigh